Vegan Retrospective

Enjoy this quick send-off to my month of veganism!

Being a Phony: The Final Chapter

Sausage seems to be the most popular form of fake meat. It's a bold choice. Like, let's take the best form of meat - ground-up bits of trimmings stuffed in offal - and make it out of water and soybeans. Why not start smaller? Vegan flank steak? Chicken cutlet? Fish? There's no vegan fish. Makes no sense to me.


Outdoor APPROVED Grill! I bet they had to go through a lot of red tape for that.


I was really encouraged by the fact that eating them makes you fat. Are there any foods that break the magical "Total Fat: 10g" barrier that don't taste good? Short of drinking Wesson oil out of the bottle, I can't think of one. I dare you to try.


Anyway, I pan-fried two of them up (bold, I know), and dug in. And oh man, were they terrible. They're tubes of gray paste. I can't describe the taste that well, because they were out of my mouth in less than a second. A new record.


There was not a single thing right about this food. I tried dried dog food once or twice as a child (and a Milkbone or two). I think if I blended up a little Eukanuba with a dash of water and some soy protein, I'd be able to come pretty close to replicating these sausages.

These Are Made From Hooves

Yes, Altoids contain gelatin - PIG gelatin - meaning not only are these mints not vegan/vegetarian, but they're also curiously anti-Semitic. These sorts of nefarious animal products have snuck up on me quite a bit, in everything from lip balm to tortilla chips ("Hint of Lime" Tostidos also have a "Hint of Dried Sour Cream") to my leather shoes. These discoveries have increased my sense of deprivation on this diet, to find that foods that I had judged "safe" were rudely crossed off the board. Of course, it only happened with a few products, and I continued to use some (like my shoes), so the effect was minimal. It isn't as if I had assumed hot dogs were ok only to find out at the last moment that they weren't allowed. As any fool knows, only natural casing hot dogs are vegan.

Sick

Sorry for the lack of posts in the last couple of days, but I've been a bit under the weather. This is the first time I've been sick in a while (though I'm usually good for it about once or twice a year), and I'm not ignoring the coincidence of this and my vegan diet. That being said, it is the winter, the weather hasn't been optimal, and several people I know have been sick as well. If anything, I would think that veganism would help prevent a person from getting sick during cold and flu season (that is, if heavy consumption of fruits and vegetables actually do anything to help stave off minor illnesses).

On a final note, the Paleo diet will begin a week from tomorrow (Tuesday, February 16th). I plan on doing a bit of research on the diet this week and into the weekend, and provide a somewhat comprehensive post about the its history and principles. More about that later in the week.

Being a Phony, Pt. 2

Vegan cheese may be one of the most disturbing things I've ever eaten. The main ingredients of the cheese are water, tapioca flour, and nutritional yeast, a "spice" that provides a salty/umami flavor and was once popular on popcorn and as a health food. Every vegan cheese I looked at boasted that it "melted." It seems as if they think that melting is a prerequisite for anything called cheese. I really couldn't care less as long as it tastes good. I tried a bit of the cheese plain and knew instantly I wasn't eating anything close to real food. I would call it a cross between a Kraft single and raw flour. It lacked any real bite, and coated my tongue with its disarming taste. The cheese feels like strands of plastic, and weighs much less than I had anticipated. Maybe it would be better "melted?" I decided to give a quesadilla a shot. After a quick two minutes per side, the moment of truth arrived.


Well, it sort of melts. But the heat does nothing to get rid of the taste. Maybe all this fake food would be enjoyable after a year or two of veganism and had forgotten how real, natural animal foods are supposed to taste. Hopefully I'll never get there.

Being a Phony

I never understood fake meat. My reasoning was that by consuming fake meat, vegans and vegetarians confirm the fact that meat is both delicious and desirable. That our bodies crave and are pleased by meat serves as proof that we are supposed to eat it. I thought that if these herbivores wanted to buck nature by forsaking flesh, they should just go whole hog and avoid all imitators as well. But after a little over two weeks without meat, I finally appreciate why these replacements are so popular. I hadn't felt full and satisfied for a long time, and had an almost intuitive feeling the lack of solid, meaty protein was the cause. So I went to Whole Foods and, along with a few portobellos, purchased the latest and greatest gourmet vegan meat.


Here it is, all-natural and plucked straight from the meatloaf tree. The outside gives the appearance of some sort of ham product, while the gray interior and "stuffing" suggest sausage. I decided to fry some up and ate it like a hamburger with some onions and an olive tapenade.


As far as quality is concerned, I had some trouble eating the whole thing. When I concentrated on the smell and the taste coming from that slab of vegetable mass, I started to lose my appetite. But taste was not the most important aspect of the meal, but rather texture. Even though I was fully cognizant my sausage(?) was fake, the impression that it was meat was enough to keep me satisfied. Kind of.

Duck Eggs

Very busy today, but I'm pleased to report that I was able to enjoy, rather than suffer through, my dinner tonight. I promise I'll recreate it tomorrow with a more extensive post and some pictures. One other quick point that came up in a conversation this afternoon: Why are fresh duck eggs impossible to find? Am I just looking in the wrong places? I have no trouble finding salted eggs or thousand-year eggs, but regular old duck eggs elude me. And if I were to find them, what would I do with them? Any help or advice is welcome.

Food Rutt

Today was a pretty tough day on the vegan front. I feel like I'm in a bit of a food rut (an albeit weak pretense to post a pic of a couple of Rutt's Hut "rippers"). I had the same lunch and dinner (who eats breakfast?) today as I did yesterday, with one or two minor variations. It was also day three of vegan chili (recipe posted below), and I don't think I can eat another bite of it. I'm a bit hard-pressed to find a quick, filling mid-week vegan meal. Most of my dinners have been heavily spiced (curries, chilis, etc.) in order to hide the horrible taste of vegetables and to introduce a bit of variety into my diet. Pasta (most dry pastas, to my pleasant surprise, do not use eggs) is a decent alternative, but I'd like to be a bit more creative. Let me know if you have any advice.

Vegan Chili
3 medium onions, chopped
5 garlic cloves, minced
3 serrano chillis (with or without seeds and ribs), diced
2 red bell peppers, chopped
2 chipotle peppers, diced
1 can kidney beans, drained
1 can black beans, drained
1 can pinto beans, drained
1/2 pound frozen corn
1 14 oz. can tomato sauce (that would be tomato sauce, not some crappy canned marinara sauce - but only a n00b would buy that in the first place)

4 tablespoons chili powder
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon chipotle chilli powder
1 tablespoon cumim(o)
Salt
Olive Oil

In a large pot, or preferably, Dutch oven, sweat the onions in olive oil and a little salt. You're not really looking for any color. When the onions begin to get translucent, add the spices and garlic and stir until fragrant. Add the bell peppers, serranos, and chipotles and continue cooking for several minutes. Drain the three cans of beans and add them along with the can of tomato sauce. Bring to a boil and reduce to low simmer for anywhere between one and two hours. Make sure to stir occasionally to prevent burning, or add a bit of water if the chili becomes too thick for your liking. Add the corn about 10 minutes before serving. Garnish with nothing, because then it wouldn't be vegan.

Honey

I've never been a big fan of honey, nor of sweets in general for that matter. Nevertheless, it's a pretty fascinating food, both historically (as one of the most ancient and prized foodstuffs around) and because it has an extremely long, if not indefinite, shelf life. Of course, as it is an animal product, vegans generally spurn the use of honey. Beekeepers encourage hives to overproduce honey, meaning the harvest is not detrimental to the overall health of the colony. Do the bees really suffer? How is it that using artificial sweeteners like Splenda or Equal are permissible, as well as things like agave nectar that need to be shipped from overseas, yet domestic, local honey production - even the most passive and bare-bones operations - are forbidden? But I'm stuck, honeyless, while the queen bees get fatter on their delicious royal jelly.

Day 14 of the vegan diet was pretty uneventful from a food standpoint. Couple of apples, coffee, some tofu and rice for lunch, and leftover three bean chili for dinner (I'll try to post a recipe later this week is there is any interest). Still debating what the next diet will be - leaning towards Paleo, but I've yet to make a firm decision.