Being a Phony, Pt. 2

Vegan cheese may be one of the most disturbing things I've ever eaten. The main ingredients of the cheese are water, tapioca flour, and nutritional yeast, a "spice" that provides a salty/umami flavor and was once popular on popcorn and as a health food. Every vegan cheese I looked at boasted that it "melted." It seems as if they think that melting is a prerequisite for anything called cheese. I really couldn't care less as long as it tastes good. I tried a bit of the cheese plain and knew instantly I wasn't eating anything close to real food. I would call it a cross between a Kraft single and raw flour. It lacked any real bite, and coated my tongue with its disarming taste. The cheese feels like strands of plastic, and weighs much less than I had anticipated. Maybe it would be better "melted?" I decided to give a quesadilla a shot. After a quick two minutes per side, the moment of truth arrived.


Well, it sort of melts. But the heat does nothing to get rid of the taste. Maybe all this fake food would be enjoyable after a year or two of veganism and had forgotten how real, natural animal foods are supposed to taste. Hopefully I'll never get there.